In the Wake of His Love

When I was little, you were my star,
A soldier, strong and far away.
Your visits were rare, but they were everything,
I waited, counting the days

I longed for you,
To play, to laugh, to show you off.
“My father,” I would have said with pride,
Hoping my friends would see the man I adored.

I cherished that bicycle ride,
The seat you crafted for me at the front,
Where I sat as your little queen,
The evening breeze carrying your voice,
“You can make me proud,” you’d say,
And I believed I could.

You didn’t need perfect grades,
You didn’t ask for anything beyond my effort.
Even the smallest victories brought a glimmer to your eye,
A pride that was gentle, never pressing,
A love that was steady, never harsh.

When the world was cruel, you were my shelter,
A wall of strength against unfair blows.
“You are enough,” your presence said,
Teaching me to stand tall, unashamed of who I was.

You sacrificed sleep, ignored your pain,
Pouring your soul into building ours.
Even when miles apart,
Your spirit seemed just a breath away,
Always appearing when I opened my eyes.

And yet, I rebelled. I made mistakes.
I hurt you with my words, my stubbornness.
But you stood there, patient as the earth,
Your love unchanged,
An endless reservoir I didn’t deserve.

Then came the day the world shattered.
Fate, cruel and merciless, took you from us.
I begged the silence to break,
For your voice to return,
But this time, you did not answer.

Now I look at the night sky,
And wonder, are you the brightest star?
Or perhaps the firefly in the dark,
Guiding me through this endless night.

Do you still watch over me?
Do you still hear the words I never said?
Where are you now? Is the place you rest peaceful?
For here, without you, the world feels like a burden.

I want to hold your hand again,
To lean on your shoulder, as I did before.
I want to ask you for simple joys,
Like I did when I was small.

I want to tell you I’m scared,
That life has been so hard without you.
I want to pour out my pain,
And feel the comfort only you could give.

I don’t want to show my tears to others,
But I long to cry and complain to you.
Inside, I’m breaking as I try to contain
This grief and fear that overwhelm me.

I am no longer a child, Father.
Not without you.
Your absence has aged me in ways I cannot explain.
But your love remains,
An unbroken thread tying me to you,
Even across this cruel divide.