Melancholy in the Stillness

Feeling melancholy; the kind that doesn’t come with a clear reason but hangs like a mist in the heart, heavy and unspoken. Inside me, there’s a silence as deep as the ocean, as if the world has sunk far beneath and left only ripples of questions behind. I sit quietly, trying to name this sadness, to find its root, but I find none. Perhaps it’s everything at once, or nothing at all.

I stare at the dark night sky, where stars seem to sleep and the moon, frozen and distant, casts a pale chill. There’s a vast emptiness out there that mirrors the one within me. A silence, so profound it almost feels alive. My hunger doesn’t stir me; the growl of an empty stomach doesn’t demand my attention. Sometimes I eat, only to feel like eating endlessly. Other times, I’m content to let the hunger pass as though feeding it wouldn’t matter. Am I filling this emptiness with food, or is it just another way to distract myself? I watch movies, numbly absorbing their colors and stories, yet the comedy doesn’t make me laugh, and the heartbreak doesn’t move me to tears. I sit there, burdened even by the thought of expression.

When they ask what’s wrong, I have no answer. How do you explain a sadness that has no name?

I long for silence, for the deep stillness to take me in. But when I found it, I was scared. Silence only amplifies the void. What is life for? I watch people living; some making decisions for nations, others chasing medals and trophies. Some fight over hierarchies while others seek refuge in superstition. The world keeps turning: people traveling, dining, inventing, fighting, and dying. Everyone is caught in their own stories, yet no one is truly free.

Single people are told to marry. Married people are told to have children. Children are forced to study. So it goes, an endless cycle of demands and pressures. Humans decide which animal to eat, and which one to pet, as though the world belongs to them. Does humanity think it is God, choosing who lives and who dies? Yet even with all our mastery, we can’t control the rains or the heat or the cold. Is technology here to serve us or to ruin the fragile balance of our planet? We call ourselves creators, but are we really just destroyers in disguise?

Now there’s AI, they say. Machines that do our work; but at a price. Subscriptions and fees. The irony of it all: we build tools to make life easier but end up working even harder to afford them. If robots do the work, and humans pay the bills, what’s left for us? A future where we toil to keep machines alive while they minimize our own purpose? I can’t imagine how it works, this strange bargain we’ve struck.

There are different standard operating procedures available for people who believe in divine power. Just as constitutions guide and protect people in countries with certain orders and systems, these procedures were developed by humans in early times to maintain societal order. In real life, when there is an error or breakdown, the operational manual is updated with necessary changes and preventive measures. Times have changed, technology has advanced, and so these operational manuals also need to be updated to remain relevant.

People are no longer traveling in chariots or carts. But does it make sense to feed grass to automobiles? The knowledge from the past should be preserved and applied to current life. If an error occurs, it should be rectified and updated in the records so society can move forward. Time is relative, so why isn’t the belief system? I don’t know how to end poverty and inequality, but I do know that the systems we cling to should evolve with time.

Everyone gets to live only once. Why restrict yourself and others with invisible walls? You don’t restrict yourself from eating or using things you need, even when you don’t know who produced them. The same substance might be created by individuals following different belief systems. You use it because it serves your necessity. Humanity is generous as long as its needs are satisfied, but when it comes to belief systems, that generosity vanishes. Every day, somewhere in the world, people fight over the greatness of their respective gods. You breathe the same air, stand on the same planet, and are identified as the same species, yet you fight over superficial things that may or may not exist.

Thinking about the things that can’t be changed bothers me a lot, but the world is designed this way. The mind feels disturbed like ripples spreading from a small stone dropped into a stagnant lake. I feel like escaping from this chaotic world. I wonder if there is a vacation from life; a break from existence that isn’t just death.

In this world, everything has a cost. Taxes, bills, and fees; we pay simply to exist. Why are we forced to live such a life? I don’t have an option or a choice. I feel burdened and can’t afford to love, hate, or feel any emotion. Conversations don’t interest me, nor does gossip. It feels as though my mind is so far away from my heart. Realization and expectation hit hard and feel detached, exhausted, and numb.

Perhaps everyone feels like this, lost in the weight of their own questions, or perhaps it’s just me, disappointed with the world and uncertain about my place in it. For now, I sit with this melancholy, letting it wash over me like a tide. There are no answers tonight. Only the quiet company of my thoughts and the endless dark sky above.